[I love this so much :’)]
Please take Robert Pattinson back. We don’t want him anymore and we’re pretty sure whatever it is his hair does is contributing to the environmental catastrophes that seem to be happening to us on a pretty regular basis.
Dear the US,
Sorry. We don’t want him back after we finally got rid of him. Please keep him.
Are you sure? Because we’ve got some valuable stuff we could trade you for. For example, Emma Watson. Yes, we have her. Daniel too. They are safe, for now. And if you ever want to see them again, send a very small plane, gas tank full, to this address, and fucking take R Stew or K Pattz or whatever the fuck his name is away from our goddamn children. Here is a lock of hair to prove that they are alive. You have twenty-four hours. Do not call the police.
Dear the US,
Send him to Canada. They gave us Justin Bieber, I think that’s a fair deal.
And don’t hurt Emma or Daniel - just send them back to us when you’re done
Dear The US,
If you would just kindly dispose of him in a subtle way then we would be more than happy to… compensate. If you see what we mean.
Love you long time,
Dear everybody who commented above.
We love you.
^IM NOT EVEN BRITISH IM SIMPLY REBLOGGING FOR THE COMMENTS ABOVE.
If only peace talks really did go like this.