- The UK only has eight residents, all of which know each other personally and have large manors where they take it in turns to host elevensies where only the finest tea and scones are served.
- The Queen is our most well known occupant.
- She smells very nice.
- In between being evil bad guys and spying for our country, we occasionally like to stroll into the country side and chase after animals until we grow tired. The most commonly chased animals are sheep. By our Welsh friend Gavin. We don’t like to talk about that much.
- There has not been a sober Scot in over 800 years. Legend say ‘When the sober Scot rises, the kingdom shall fall’. We like to keep them topped up, just in case.
- Our English residents are incredibly posh. Rumour has it there are six whole teeth between them. I think that’s just a myth though, I’ve seen Jeremy Kyle.
- And finally, our Northern Irish brothers. We don’t really understand what they’re saying, but we’re pretty confident they use rainbows to signal stolen pots of gold.
- Our rainy season lasts from January until the apocalypse. Neither please us.
- Our chief exports include: heartbreak and cheek bones, occasional phrases such as ‘keep calm’ and ‘bloody hell’ to be expected
- We set fire to precipitation and wear the same jeans for days on end to make them suitable for discos.
- If you drive into our airports you will probably be set on fire. And then punched.
- Our most spotted wildlife includes: Unicorns, lions, dragons and haggis
- We also have a pet Sealand. We found it just off the coast. Well, technically it’s not ours, but we promised we’d walk it and feed it and let it sleep in Cornwall when it’s being good, so we’re just waiting approval.
- The answer is always the Blue Whale as far as we’re concerned. Always.
This represents the whole of British thinking.
There is no “U” in Freedom.
There’s also no N, H, or S in america